the great sadness of the ides of march

dearest friends
this you will not believe
there is such sadness and surprise
today

t came home from the hospital
on tuesday evening,
he was doing well though in a great deal of pain.
he was nauseous
so nauseous and in such pain
but strong, fortified
ready to live

but then there was shortness of breath
and the nausea didn't subside
and there was no sleep
no rest to be had
around every corner there was pain and
illness and it was a difficult few days

and we went to the doctors and he made it thru that
and the nausea would not leave him
and he needed so to rest
and he could find no rest and then finally
i got him compazine and there were the other things he needed
and finally last night after many tries
i settled him in our bed, the pillows stacked nad puffed to support him
so he could breathe and perhaps allay the nausea
and he closed his eyes,
and good i thought
i thought oh good, relief,
and i lay with him for a little but he
kept startling
so i closed the door slightly and told him
i was going to rest and i went into the other room and lay down and
i checked on him at midnight and then at 2 and at 4 and at 4 he
was lying on his side, curled up, oxygen on, his eyes closed and
i thought oh good, to rest, to sleep at last and
then i checked on him at 6 and at 8 and he was still sleeping and
at 9:15 again and then the sunlight was streaming in the window and
he was grey, green and cold so cold to the touch
and i closed the door and thought i cannot see him breathing
and he was not breathing
and i called for him and i held him
and i shook him and he was gone and
i called 911
and he was gone and they told me to try CPR but
he was gone and i called to him and he was gone
and his face was peaceful and his eyes were closed and
our darling tony
our friend
our love our stellar man of integrity
and truth
our Tony Shultz was gone.

bushwahacked i think
surprised to go in his sleep.
not expecting it but peaceful on his face.
they say righteous men die in their sleep
and so our T

9:15 AM, the ides of MArch 2008.
he is gone
and we are here
and we are weeping and feeling the wind sweep the skies

the hearse took him away at exactly 11 AM and the bells
yes actually really
the bells rang out as he went down the street
wrapped in our quilt that i made of silk scarves from the
van gogh exhibit so long ago and his first hawaiian shirts

our darling friends
our beloved community
our Tony is gone.

sof is in italy and we must bring her home
with her cousin by wednesday and
we will probably gather to celebrate Tony and his life
on Friday of this next week.

and we will sing and weep and
celebrate our darling man
as the winds sweep the sky and
the sun showers speak to me to tell me that he is safe
though sad to be far away.
so very sad that he is far away

my love to you all.
my heart is yours.
more news will follow

sh-h-h-h-h
breathe for us
for yourselves
news will be here

amen