hello out there

shifting shifting
i can actually feel the energy shifting in the house
little by little
the first memorial candle is out
the flowers , so glorious in first blush, are starting to wilt
and we are doing the little things.
replacing the table cloth with a clean one and moving the smaller table
now enough for us two
back to the center of the dining room
i once thought small and
now know to have been the scene of the most expansive of celebrations.

the chicken barbecued on the grill
is burnt
T did that
and the trash cans, those too I pulled in by myself tonight
and new habits for sof
how to dine with mom , her sweet desire to make me feel okay
but she has not completed a full meal at the table since she hit her teen years
so... the cup of tea after dinner, now with..
audrey. yes, that will be fine.

it is not crushing
this readjustment
it is odd and hollow at times
and in yoga class opening the heart chakra was a killer
but according to the Grief Recovery Handbook
which my friend Michael was quick with,
the true grief is with the unfinished conversation
the doubt lingering
the odd ripping of the fabric when unprepared.
yes, there is all that
but not as much , yet, as one would have thought

have not read all the cards and
looked at all the pictures yet
it is inch by inch
but i did receive a card from the surgeon
full of such sad compassion
..." still unclear what happened, but what is clear is that our hearts and prayers are with you."
that is a Zen master struggling with his own heart.

ah me.

so much love still around us but giving us space to take our steps
into the world
seeing who we may be now that we our us
has a cosmic partner.
hmmm

i wonder if anyone is reading...
it feels quiet
quiet
with the feeling that there are scurrying footsteps
behind the scenes moving things around
rearranging the energy so that the next scene can play itself out.

hmmmm
good night for now.
sleep well
we shall see if the silk of sleep
is ready to soothe us for another night.

blessings to all