extreme makeover shultz merson edition

it was a day of many masks
happy sad and sanguine

lots of good angel friends
there in an instant to cover T during
two appointments today and
last night too when i had to go home

he was distraught and very anxious last night

and seems to be having that problem
sundowners .. know that one-- happens in the eve
to folk-- i know it only too well from years with my mom--
anxiety more pronounced in evening and after a day of wonderfully creative hallucinations for T-- it is been pretty exhausting for the boy.


jane reports that there was a Jerusalem Summit in the room
this morning before i got here and she was covering..
and it was a good thing too
because when i did arrive after my morning appointment
T says: "Isn't that something?"
""Yes, indeed....", waiting for the punchline, I.
"I'm the president." he says.
"Really."
"We have to move to the White House, Susie."
"Okay, " I say. "As long as I don't have to host any teas."

and various other stripes appearing throughout the day
his brain constantly at work trying to figure himself out
thru the fog of delaudid and other meds
and breathing treatments and all of that--
preventing him from resting much and
enjoying the fact
that dr. cameron came in and said that he is healing nicely and
hopefully he will have a tube out on thursday and another soon after.
good news indeed.

mickey covered in the afternoon when i hurried to another appointment
passing the waiting families in the waiting area downstairs,
stern sentinels, camped out wondering how they got there,
making the chairs all their own for today
only to relinquish them to the next group of waiting families
the next day and the next.

such are hospitals and when they work well , as does this one,
they are also peopled by smart faces, right there, attentive and strong.
they hear us and see us and it has made a great difference in this journey.
the nursing staff has been remarkable. the heart girls, as tony calls the thoracic. cardiac doctors who make morning rounds ( only one lone male intern-- t always partial to smart pretty girls), the pain team, the cameron magic makers, the residents and care partners. there are a lot of good hearts around here with open ears, good hearts.

and returning here to the hospital after getting a call from my agent
telling me i GOT one of the jobs i have been auditioning for
in order to assure us health insurance from now til then
since T is no longer insurable by new carriers and i am not vested at Cal State and
so the cobra there will leave us high and dry if I lose that job with state cuts

and me WEEPING in the car, when my agent told me the news
after leaving yet another audition-- the third in three days--
the third after nothing for over a year!
these appointments
being set up by a wonderful old friend
who has made calls on my behalf to other casting folk

to get me the appointments after all this time -- the agents, the casting people i have worked with diffidently and defensively
for twenty something years
all heaping rewards on my plate
coming thru like champs
and i started to WEEP like those people on
Extreme Makeover Home Edition

because my husband DOES have cancer, ( blubber blubber)
and he IS in the hospital totally wrecked, ( blubber)and
we ARE looking at some rocky days ahead ( WAIL WEEP)
and i am so DEEPLY GRATEFUL to everyone who is helping us so much

and I just lost it on the phone in my husbands car
like those people on the TV program that I am always so embarrassed watching
while Michael my agent-- just like that guy on Queen for A Day used to do-- told me he got me a good rate, and a great dressing room and I was on the road toward insurance...
well... you can imagine

and then i was back at the hospital and
Tony has been shifting and restless all night
and just now tried to make a beeline to the bathroom and
got himself tangled in all the wires.... and, let's see there were four or five folk in here trying to fix that.....

well-- that's enough for now.
we are continuing to make it with a lotta help
from all of our friends.
man oh man
love and thanks and good night