resting resting blessed

thank you for blessing Tony with your love and celebration.
if you were not with us in person yesterday--
over 400 people strong--
you were there in spirit -- faces floated at me
such joy and beauty
and i come away from yesterday and into today with the knowledge that
T accomplished what he was after.
he made a place for himself in the world.
he made a positive impact
he affected people's lives

i woke to a garden full of flowers
and a trickle of friends here during the day
bearing chinese donuts and receiving Hawaiian shirts for safe keeping.
we are sitting shiva here at the house at 7 every night thru Tuesday
food at 5
please come join us as we continue to process this transition
letting go of old habits and welcoming the new somehow
struggling to create new and stronger ways of being
rather than sinking back into painful patterns that have taken their toll on all of us.
such is growth
such is survival and
what is necessary to flow with grace from one epoch to another

i have pasted both my speech and my daughter, sofie's, for you to read.
i will continue to write as makes sense
if you'd like to hear of our progress and healing for a little time at least.
there are CD's of the ceremony available if anyone would like one.
please email me and let me know.

blessings and thanks
S

==========================================================
Hello friends
If you have yet to meet the person sitting next to you
Please turn to them and catch their eye,
let them feel your hand on theirs
Mark them as a sign upon your heart and upon your soul
For they are the stuff of the community
to which we belong
For we have traveled-- certainly the last part—
of this road together
And for this I am enormously grateful
and truly honored.
And you have more than my thanks.

I learned from my partner, my friend
The man of my dreams and delight of my eyes
I learned that such people as you exist
I learned that there is goodness and hope
There is yes instead of steady no
I have learned that love shows itself in the strangest of places
And in the secret madness of familiarity
and the arrogant contempt for time.

I have learned that loving is complex and fierce
and leaving and returning
And steadily stubbornly every day saying yes
And I am so endlessly sad that I must now cull and quantify the lessons and loving learned in this part of my beautiful life
With my beautiful man-
Now, I build memory upon memory into the new beginning of the rest of my days.
With our gorgeous and strong daughter
And whatever adventures we may encounter.

I should tell you, too, that in the last two months
The months that we really thought his life was ending—only to be bushwhacked by hope—in those months of scotch and ice cream and hilarity and joy we found each other again and Tony found himself—because of all of you. He felt his worth, his life’s work palpable in your love and expressions of support. My god what a gift- to know and feel your worth—and I know and feel he finally ingested that final masterstroke to his beauty.

Tony Shultz—my husband and companion of 27 years-- was beauty, incarnate.
I drew pleasure and delight from his java chip ice cream to his two tone saddle shoes
From the sports cars that never worked
to the years of trails we traveled on faraway continents
and on the journey of our spirits.
,,,,From the feel of his skin.
I have been honored to be his wife, his friend, his fellow traveler.

Juliet spoke of her Romeo:
“And when he shall die
take him and cut him up into little stars
for he shall make the face of heaven so bright
that all the world will be in love with night and
pay no more tribute to the garish sun.”

I carry his heart. I carry it in my heart.

********************************************************************************



Sofie Shultz

The past three months have been both terrifying and incredible. The news of my dad’s illness was shocking and scary, but we all stood together to support each other. But I say it was incredible because of the things I felt compelled to say to my father. Things that normally I would not have said. I got to ask him what he wanted me to be, and where I should go. To ask him what I should do for him to be proud of me forever. He told me that whatever I did, as long as I wanted to do it and be it, and was happy, that he would be proud of me. With a shortened amount of life and the thought that your parents will live forever, urged me to tell him I’d miss him for the special things in my life that he wouldn’t get to be here for: graduation, college, walking me down the aisle. Things I really wanted him to be there with me for. His response is one that will live forever with me: I want to be there for you just as much as you want me to be there.
My dad lived with the finest things. He was a jaguar man, my Disneyland dad.
Being home for the past few days have given me the chance to look around and examine the life he lived; just as he did. All the artifacts, the art, the music, the love that fills our house now shows the wonderful life he lived. It truly was a beautiful life.
I miss him. But he will never be gone. I know that he wanted to be here, to see me grow up, and so he will never leave my side.
He gave me strength, us strength, in our sorrow. And showed me that I am strong, even when I don’t feel I am.
Thanks, dad. As my grandma evie said, it’s been a beautiful life.