to sleep perchance to dream

what do you do when you get what you want
but you want what you get to be better
but you'll take what you get
for the sake of the bet and forsake
what you thought could unfetter
the long long days of hard hard work
ah to rest, to sleep, to sleep perchance to dreammmmmmmmm

last night pursued by the dark skinned fellows again
all through the streets of New York
nothing unusual, just exhausting and a recurrent dream
for years now, almost caught in the streets of New York
and T had been dreaming of singing...
yes, all last week, he would smile and turn in our bed
and a long low wail of rock and roll and guitar riff
would dribble from his mouth, eyes closed, eyebrows lifted in delight
i thought it was pain or horror
no offense to his dream state composition intended
but he would wake, having slept well AND having garnered
rave reviews from the gathering in his head
all those angels gathering to welcome him home, perhaps
preparing his own little rock spot of fame in heaven's chelsea loft
BUT
not right now, fellas

yes has come from the heavens like Groucho's duck
quacking it's clatter and saying not yet, suckah!!

there's a whole lot of yes-sing going on,
yes, says Dr. Gupta, beautiful Indian eyes leveled at ours
yesterday in the surgeon's retreat
yes, the make up of the cells on the biopsy slides are 90% epitheliod
that's the good kind
and yes, you do not have cancer in the LEFT lung- that was inflammation
and yes, you DO have more intense cancer on the right lung
but yes, that cancer is most likely in the pleura and not the lung
and yes, they can and will peel away the pleural tumor
and yes, it will be an 8-12 hour surgery
but yes, there is only a 1% risk of mortality since there is no
invasion of major organs
and yes, they no longer do the other originally proposed surgery which would have taken the lung and had left the friend of a friend in England T spoke to
barely breathing two years since
but yes, it was too barbaric a surgery and the survival rates are now found to be the same between that surgery and this
and yes, the atrial fib may be a problem but
yes, they can handle that with drips in the ICU and
yes, that may mean that the four count them four tubes
sprouting from his chest
may have to be in place a few days longer but
yes, T will probably be home within 5-7 days
and yes, you will rest for about a month
( here's where the visiting and the food train comes in, guys)
and yes, there will be radiation and
yes, maybe even chemo after that but
yes, it's not as bad as it once was and survival median rates are around 2-3 years or more-- that gets us through sofie's graduation
yes-- we even have a happy and RICH survivor of the surgery right here in the next little cubicle..

and in walks mr d von h who is not slouching or slurring
or moaning
he looks fairly sharp in his loafers and yellow button down shirt
and he tells us his story of his terminal diagnosis
inoperable, not a chance- just like T
and how his wife found
cameron on the internet like me did
and how he had the operation in june
and he looked perfectly fine and
he just dropped off a major check for the
Pacific Heart and Lung Institute because not only is he alive and looking spiffy
he just got a settlement check from his lawyers of TEN MILLION dollars.
hmmmmm
now isn;t that interesting??

now, T hates yellow button down shirts and the details about the ten million may not grace our story but it's a nice touch to his, don't you think?


so, swoop swallow gulp
change gears and stay the course
because it's not over yet
and then there is more living to do
and that can be as tough as sailing over to the great beyond, perhaps.

but, he's made the leap of faith and in about three weeks
maybe early March after our next First Sunday gathering and
he's banked enough blood out so his own blood can be transfused
back in
the next phase commences-- at UCLA
so stay tuned.

there will be depositions and cardiologists before that
and god knows what else
but it certainly isn't dull.
xxoo
s