what to say

not sure how to report in on the day to day
of living from here to there
to report on the rewiring of the heart
and the way music finds its way underneath
the cellular structure of the heart
and how strong i feel in the house and
how the strength drains away the
farther from the energy base that i go.

not sure how to write about grief
and quiet and the sound of the wheels on
the road when NPR is off and there is nothing but the sound
of the Audi, T's Audi, car moving along the road.

the tasks of transition almost done
death certificates sent out
money on its way
taxes being attended to
and most closets cleaned

and then taking up the tasks of
everyday
rewired
that is probably the best way to describe this time
a time of rewiring and shorting out
and replugging and unsure about where the unused wires are supposed to go.

certain things are true
conversations are heard in a different light
talk of minor illness, the illness that is comforting somehow
as it defines our time of life
that kind of illness seems welcomed by many
confused and unsure how to accept the next stage of life.
an old concern, different for me now

there is a certainty about what connects
listening to the music and prayers in a shabbat service
is like having my skin peeled
in a weird ritual of relief kind of way

there are new awarenesses about
spirit and slotting growth

there is a quiet and a boring into the heart
that is both painful and liberating i suppose

there are still the details of loss to handle
choosing the plot
wording the stone for my husband
and moving from place to place to place

my turn pushing the wheel
omigod